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This is a long post but i feel there is much to unpack. I'm (male) atm. making exit plans dated for the 25th of this month. A week after my gf's niece's birthday.

Short story of what has been going on. We are both in our late 30s, the relationship has gone on for 9 years. We have had a lot of issues, and i admit a lot of them have been from me.

First change in the situation was 5 years or so ago, she started to have this urge that we should put our trash in one of the sinks in the kitchen. At the end of the day or two she made a trashbag and i took it out. Then the time between her making the trashbags got longer and longer... Sometimes she actually cleaned everything up but that has been years now, maybe 2 or 3.

Slowly that situation evolved into something much worse. Now there are multiple trash piles in the apartment, especially in the kitchen and bathroom. Papers and newspapers are scattered around. Both sinks (kitchen and bathroom) have been unusable for almost a full year now, and even basic maintenance (like fixing a broken bathroom light) feels impossible because the apartment is in such a state that we can’t realistically invite anyone in. The light in the showerroom, that hasn't worked for a year, also is special and an electrician is needed to change it(it's not just a lightbulb i can change alone). So we use a type of forehead light when we operate there.
I wash the dishes using a handwashing bowl and the shower faucet. When i talk about cleaning it all up by myself, she gets angry. Says she must be the one to do it, and she might get a nervous breakdown if i did something to it. I do small, mainly logistic fixes every now and then but even they get her anxious.

I’ve adapted to functioning in this environment, but I feel a lot of shame and discomfort about it too. If I had a free choice, I would never live like this.

NFT

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